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+ THE ADVENTURERS +
+ Epic II +
+ Many of the locations, non-player characters, spells, and +
+ other terms used in these stories are the property of TSR, Inc. +
+ However, this does not mean that TSR in any way endorses or +
+ authorizes their use, and any such items contained within these +
+ stories should not be considered representative of TSR in any +
+ way, shape, or form. +
+ The player characters contained in these writings are copy- +
+ right 1991-6 by Thomas Miller. Any resemblance to any persons +
+ or characters either real or fictional is utterly coincidental. +
+ Copying and/or distribution of these tales is permissible only +
+ under the sole condition that no part of them will be used or +
+ sold for profit. In that case, I hope you enjoy them... +
+ Thomas Miller +
+ firstname.lastname@example.org +
+ Alindyar 17th level drow mage (N) +
+ Arnold 13th level human barbarian warrior (NG) +
+ Ged 15th/14th level grey elven priest/mage (NG) +
+ Deryck 8th level half-elven ranger (NG) +
+ Nenya 8th/9th level female elven warrior/mage (NG) +
+ Lyra 13th level female drow mage (N) +
+ Mongo 18th level dwarven fighter (CG) +
+ Gorin 9th level dwarven fighter (NG) +
+ Bosco 11th level halfling thief (CN) +
+ Date: 4/13/576 C.Y. (Common Year) +
+ Time: midday +
+ Place: Ged's castle, east of Greyhawk +
+ Climate: pleasant +
+ "Here's to the good old days...wherever they are." +
+ - Harry P. Lovecraft, from _Cast A Deadly Spell_ +
CDXX. The Reverend Ged
Four days have passed since Peldor and Tanya's sudden announcement,
and now, Ged and others are busy preparing for the upcoming wedding.
Ged: -only two days left!
Arnold: So? (he looks around) Looks to me like you've got things
well in hand.
Ged: I wish I'd known that they wanted _me_ to perform the ceremony!
All the things I have to reschedule now...the daily blessing of the
land...the meeting with the senior priests of the temple...Nenya's
lesson on ice storms...
Arnold: (remembers Nenya's last attempt to learn a powerful new
spell, and winces)
Ged: (also winces) Hmm, well, maybe that last one's not such a-
Nenya: (bounces into the room) Hello, everyone!
Arnold: Did you and Derbyck enjoy your honeymoon?
Nenya: We certainly did! And now, another wedding...this is fantastic!
Arnold: Busy time...
Deryck: (enters the chamber) Good day, all.
The half-elf looked regal, attired in a fine suit that seemed to fit
perfectly over his chain mail. His shoulder-length hair and short beard
were well-trimmed, and his sword was freshly polished. Like Nenya, he
looked none the worse for the recent honeymoon.
Ged: How goes it?
Deryck: (salutes) It goes well. The taxes have been collected, the
castle has been cleaned, and the perimeter is secure.
Nenya: (looks lovingly at her new husband) Isn't he marvelous?
Ged: Yea, yea. (annoyed, he shuffles through a stack of scrolls) Now
if you'll excuse me, I've got a great deal of- (he slips, spilling
the scrolls every which way) Oh, #%@&$!
Nenya: (laughing) Such language! And for a high priest! (she grabs
Arnold: Don't worry, Derbyck, we'll handle everything from here.
Deryck: Okay. (he and Nenya leave)
Arnold: (grinning) Ah, young love.
Ged: Bah. (he reads a scroll he just opened) Hells.
Ged: I sure hope I remembered to tell Calvin to send an invitation to
Arnold: _I_ sure hope Caldvin remembered to deliver it.
Lightbringer: _I_ sure hope he doesn't turn this wedding into another
bloodbath, like that time-
Arnold: We're talking about Caldvin here.
Lightbringer: Oh, right. Sorry. (it pipes down)
Ged: (to Arnold) Good point. That kid's been absentminded lately...
running around with a toy t-
Arnold: The weddink's in two days, right?
Ged: (nods, checking another checklist) Yea.
Arnold: Aaa. That reminds me, I have to visit the tailor and pick up
Ged: You think you have problems? At least you're not the one who's
actually _performing_ the ceremony! I have to wear a three-layered
Arnold: They're having it right here? (he points to the stony floor
of the castle) In your cadstle?
Ged: Yea. No. I mean yes. We're holding the wedding in the chapel
Ged: (busy scribbling on a parchment, as he dots i's and crosses t's)
Every castle has a chapel, Arnold. Even the most sinister ones.
Ged: And to think, all this ruckus came amidst my latest research...
Arnold: What researdch is that?
Ged: The Tome of the Black Heart.
Arnold: What's that?
Ged: It's a book...a thick black magical book that I picked up while
we were in Maure Castle.
Arnold: (nods, recalling that adventure) Aaa. Kerzid.
Ged: (keeps talking as he works on whatever it is he's working on)
Right, it was his book. Well, kind of.
Arnold: What does the book do?
Ged: Hard to say...(he scratches someone's name off a list) Heh.
Ged: Oh. Yea, it's hard to say, but it seems to be some kind of a
treatise dealing with the opening of a portal to some other plane
Arnold: (pauses, contemplating this) Uh, right. (he looks around)
O-kay, I have to go.
Ged: (immersed in his work, he waves a hand) Take care.
Arnold: (wanders out) Hi, Albindyar.
Alindyar: (wanders in) Greetings, Arnold.
Ged: Rary...Tenser...(he looks up) Alindyar!
Alindyar: Good day to you.
Ged: And to you. Did you ever get that guards and wards spell working
Alindyar: (nods) Aye. And the glyphs, and the runes, and all of the
Ged: Cool. So you're ready for thieves?
Alindyar: More than ready. Between the spells, magical traps, and
guardians, I believe it is safe to say that our mansion is hazardous
to the health of any would-be intruders.
Ged: Nifty. So, what brings you here?
Alindyar: I was wondering about something.
Ged: (scratches something on another scroll) No, I don't think Lyra
is pregnant just yet.
Alindyar: (looks shocked)
Ged: (looks up) Just kidding.
Alindyar: The- how- when-
Ged: Elves' life-cycles are vastly different than those of humans.
I'd guess we'll see a baby from Tanya, or Songa, or even Nenya before
Alindyar: (flustered) That is _not_ the question I had for you!
Ged: (looks mildly apologetic) Oh. Sorry, my mind's been drifting a
great deal lately.
Alindyar: I can see that. (he takes a seat and crosses his legs) My
question involves this impending wedding, and the...customs of the
Ged: You're not sure what to wear?
Alindyar: (looks nonplussed) That is Lyra's concern. No, what I need
is some instruction concerning gifts.
Ged: Gifts? As in wedding gifts?
Ged: Oh, hell, that's easy. Just get them whatever you'd normally
get a drow couple who're getting married in a drow city.
Alindyar: (frowns) When a drow couple are wed in a drow city, the
gifts are often lethal in nature-
Ged: Okay, nevermind. Let's see, here-
Alindyar: Money? Scrolls? A magical item perhaps?
Ged: (nods) All would be fine, though I think we both know that Peldor
probably has more money than he knows what to do with.
Alindyar: (smiles) That wasn't always the case...
Ged: (also smiles) Ah, for the good old days.
Alindyar: (nods) Whatever happened to them...
Ged: (sets a scroll down, inadvertently knocking another off of the
table) Anyway, to answer your question, anything's pretty much a
safe bet for a wedding gift.
Ged: (holds up a finger) Unless it's alive, dead, or dangerous. Or
Alindyar: (smiles) Naturally. (he stands) My thanks. You have
been most helpful, as I knew you would.
Alindyar: (leaves, bumping into Lyra as she enters) Oops.
Lyra: (swats him atop the head) Watch where you're going, would you?
(she strolls in, handing Ged a scroll)
Lyra: Here's that spell we traded you for the one you gave us. Sorry
about the delay, I've been rather busy.
Ged: Oh, no prob-
Lyra: (teleports away)
Ged: -lem. (he frowns, and turns to Alindyar, who's still standing
in the doorway) What gives?
Alindyar: (shrugs) It's that time of the month.
Alindyar: I am simply staying away. In fact, I took a horse here.
Ged: (raises his eyebrows) Wow. I know how much you hate the sun.
Alindyar: I do not hate it - I never hated it. It sometimes becomes
irritating, but such is the price I must pay. And I do not mind.
Ged: (nods, as if he understands)
Alindyar: Still, I would not count on Lyra or me getting a tan anytime
Alindyar: (waves) Well, I really must be going.
Ged: See you at the wedding!
Alindyar: (leaves) Hello, Bosco.
Bosco: (enters) Hi, man.
Ged: (although he barely hears the halfling's shrill voice in the
background of his thoughts, he groans) What can I do for you today,
Bosco: Well, I was wondering if I could borrow a sp-
Ged: No, absolutely not.
Bosco: But you haven't even heard me out yet!
Ged: I don't need to, Bosco. If you want something, it's only so you
can get your little hands on something else.
Bosco: But I've gotta have a spell of shrinking!
Ged: Might I ask why?
Bosco: (looks upward) Uh...(looks downward) Err...(looks from side
to side) Uhm...
Ged: (returns to his writing) I thought not.
Bosco: Aw, come on!
Ged: Bosco, I'm really busy right now. Maybe after the wedding...or
you could try Alindyar or Lyra. They might be able to help you.
Bosco: Drat. (he turns for the door, looking back at Ged)
Ged: (scribbling again)
Bosco: (deftly pockets a golden egg that lies amidst a pile of junk
on a desktop) Okay, later! (he leaves, running down the hall as
only a sub-three-foot individual can do) Hey, Alindyar! Wait up...
Mongo: (walks in, with Gorin) Hey there!
Ged: (looks up wearily) What can I do for you?
Mongo: Nothing, just coming by to say hi.
Ged: Oh. (he looks around, confused)
Mongo: Well, we've gotta get going - that wedding's coming up awful
Gorin: Yeah, and me without any decent armor.
Mongo: (to Gorin) You can't wear armor to a wedding!
Gorin: Why not? (they leave, still debating this)
Ged: (continues working for a few moments, then looks up) Hmm, that's
odd. It's awfully slow around here today.
next: prenuptial chaos
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mail: email@example.com (preferred)
notes: After a lengthy Helgate storyline (407-419) I felt it
was time for some lighter fare. Hope you enjoyed it.
For the record, whenever a "supporting" character (like Bosco
in this episode) ends up evenly lined up evenly with the "main"
characters, it means that s/he's getting full billing because
his/her liege isn't present in that story.
previous chapter (#419)
next chapter (#421)