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+ THE ADVENTURERS +
+ Epic III +
+ Many of the locations, non-player characters, spells, and +
+ other terms used in these stories are the property of TSR, Inc. +
+ However, this does not mean that TSR in any way endorses or +
+ authorizes their use, and any such items contained within these +
+ stories should not be considered representative of TSR in any +
+ way, shape, or form. +
+ The player characters contained in these writings are copy- +
+ right 1991-6 by Thomas Miller. Any resemblance to any persons +
+ or characters either real or fictional is utterly coincidental. +
+ Copying and/or distribution of these tales is permissible only +
+ under the sole condition that no part of them will be used or +
+ sold for profit. In that case, I hope you enjoy them... +
+ Thomas Miller +
+ firstname.lastname@example.org +
+ Mongo 18th level dwarven fighter (CG) +
+ Date: 6/23/576 C.Y. (Common Year) +
+ Time: late morning +
+ Place: somewhere on the Isle of the Ape +
+ Climate: hot and humid +
+ "Being abroad makes you conscious of the whole imitative side +
+ of human behavior. The ape in man." +
+ --Mary McCarthy +
XDI. Jungle Boogie
After cutting his way out of a tyrannosaurus' stomach and ending
up in a primitive village (complete with primitives) Mongo now joins
the savages in confronting a gigantic ape!
Mongo: He must've smelled the roasting dinosaur meat...(to the ape)
Hey! You! Over here!
giant ape: (hurls half of some savage's body at Mongo) RAAAAARGH!
Mongo: (dodges the gory missile) Fight like a man, you!
Baldy: Binaca crul! (he gestures to the others of his tribe, who
fearfully form a defensive line) Ocra!
The big question seemed to be whether the gargantuan ape would
actually enter the village. This very question was answered moments
later, as the sizable simian stepped through the breach it had just
torn in the palisade. At over twenty feet in height, the thing was
a fearsome sight to behold; yet, Mongo stood his ground without any
trace of fear.
Mongo: I'm sick of being attacked, bitten, eaten...(he waves his
metal war-club and strides forth to do battle)
giant ape: (momentarily confused at this odd foe) RRRRR...
Mongo: (suddenly grabs a large piece of the shattered palisade
and hurls it, one-handed, with his giant-strength) Chew on that!
giant ape: (bashed in the shoulder by the unusual missile) RAARGH!
Baldy: (chanting to himself) Snom ybor agop...
Mongo: (looks around at the savages) Hey, feel free to jump in
giant ape: (picks up a small rock) RRRAAAR!
Mongo: Uh-oh...I gave him an idea...(he raises his club)
giant ape: RAARG! (it hurls the stone at Mongo)
Mongo: (belts the missile with his club, knocking it up and away)
giant ape: (turns to watch the rock sail away into the sky) GRR...
(it turns back around and hoists a much larger boulder above its
Mongo: Oh, crap.
giant ape: RAAAARGH! (it hurls the thing at Mongo)
Mongo: Whoaaa- (hit in the chest, he is knocked back into a hut,
and crashes through its wall)
For whatever reason, the primitive warriors finally moved into
action. A volley of spears flew at the huge ape, most of them
scoring only minor hits or glancing away. Still, a few of the
missiles sunk into the ape's thickly muscled body, causing it to
howl in pain and rage.
giant ape: GRAAARGH! (it lashes out, sweeping away an entire rank
of dark-skinned barbarians) RAAARGH!
Baldy: (still chanting, he points at the foe) Tula jitt, tula jitt!
giant ape: GRAAAR! (snarling, it lumbers toward the old man)
Just then, however, a small but powerful - and very angry - form
appeared from the wreckage of a certain hut.
Mongo: That tears it! (he stomps toward the ape) That fucking
_hurt_! (he waves the metal club angrily) That's the last rock
you'll ever throw...
giant ape: (still advancing) RAAAARG!
Baldy: (still chanting, he doesn't seem too interested in moving
out of the path of the ape) Addis ababa.
Mongo: (pushes the old fellow out of harm's way and charges the
ape) Let's do it!
giant ape: GRAAARGH!
The two foes, one six times the height of the other, collided;
the spectators were sure that the smaller of the combatants would
surely be overrun, trampled. However, at the last instant, the
dwarf ducked and slid, passing through the ape's legs as the huge
animal swatted and grabbed uselessly.
Mongo: Just like giants! (he stands up and turns around in a
flash, bashing the foe in the back of one knee with every last
bit of his considerable might)
giant ape: AAAAAAAARGH! (it falls to the ground, the impact shaking
the earth and knocking several of the villagers off their feet)
Mongo: (uses his backswing to bash the fallen ape in the back of its
The entire melee had taken no more than a five-count, and now the
gigantic ape lay on the ground, struggling to get to its feet. Even
the battle-hardened Mongo felt a twinge of sympathy for the animal,
but he prepared to strike again, for the ape snarled and spit blood.
Mongo: Want some more, do you? (he raises his weapon again)
Baldy: (darts forth and interposes himself in the way of Mongo's
attack) Nugar langaroodi, Mongo!
Mongo: What the hell?!? Get out of the way, Baldy!
Baldy: (shaking his head) Mopar! (he points in the ape's general
Mongo: What're you about- huh. I'll be damned.
The huge ape had stood and loped away into the jungle, howling.
Even as they watched, the beast vanished from sight, though the
sounds of its departure still filtered back from that direction.
Mongo: It ran...and you spared it. But why?
Baldy: (wanders away, gesturing for Mongo to follow) Merf, merf.
Mongo: (throws his arms up in frustration) I give up! (he runs
after the old man)
savages: (several of them, all spear-wielding warriors, accompany
them, chattering to themselves excitedly)
The sturdy dwarf was pretty sure that his torso was even more
bruised than before. The boulder had caught him squarely, and his
armor, though indestructible, didn't soften mighty blows like that.
Wincing at the pain, now that the fever of battle had died out, he
followed the old shaman into the large hut. Behind them, the savages
began gathering the pieces of their breached wall, probably to start
Inside the hut...
Baldy: (pointing at the sand-pit, he begins drawing pictures again)
Mongo: Whatever...(he watches as the other's scrawlings take form)
The frowning old man was drawing apes. Not one, not two, but five
of them. He pointed to one at random, then at Mongo, making sounds
and gestures that suggested a battle.
Mongo: (points a thumb at himself) You're saying _I_ fought one
of these five apes?
Baldy: Wonga! (somewhat excited, he wags his head and begins a new
drawing, near the five apes he's already depicted in the sand)
Mongo: What now?
Moments later, the dwarf had his answer, and there was no mistaking
it: the old fellow had drawn another ape, notably larger than the
Baldy: (stabs a stick at this new image) Oonga.
Baldy: Oonga, Oonga. Oonga!
Mongo: (points at the larger ape-picture) Oonga?
Baldy: (nods) Oonga! (he starts trying to imitate an ape, a good
if amusing effort) Oonga!
Mongo: So he's the big guy...I bet he rules those other ones.
Baldy: (babbling to himself) Oonga, sartha cnoc - Oonga.
Mongo: Oh, yeah. Okay. (he wonders what the hell the old man is
talking about) Is that why you didn't want me to keep fighting
that ape? You're afraid of Oonga?
Baldy: Oonga, hulkus mush. Oonga. (he points at Mongo, and drives
a fist into his other palm) Oonga gmaash Mongo.
Mongo: Well, that's good to know.
wispy thing: (flies into the hut, sails over, and lands on Mongo's
Baldy: (eyes wide) Korna!
wispy thing: Pffft?
Mongo: Uh...(he looks around) Baldy, I think we're about to have
Baldy: (seemingly entranced by the wispy thing, he stretches out a
hand to touch it)
wispy thing: Sprrd! (it suddenly flies away, exiting through a crack
in one wall)
Baldy: (points at Mongo) Mongo korna...
Mongo: No, I don't like corn-
Baldy: Korna! (he grabs Mongo's arm, trying to pull him out of the
hut to chase the wispy thing)
Mongo: Hold your horses, I'm on the way.
Outside the hut, they quickly saw that dozens of savages milled
near the broken area of wall. Spears were raised, as were shouts of
Mongo: That may be the others...come on, Baldy! (he dashes in that
direction, followed by the old shaman and his guards)
Sure enough, outside the village, a dozen strangely-garbed people
approached, weapons or spells ready.
Songa: I resent that remark.
Peldor: I resemble that remark...
Ged: (stunned) It IS Mongo!
Mongo: That's me. (to Baldy) It's me.
Baldy: (looks confused)
Gorin: Yeah! (to Mongo) We thought you were dead. Well, okay,
we weren't sure, but still-
Ged: How? How did you end up here?
Mongo: Long story. Er...Baldy, these are my- Mongo's friends. (he
points to himself, then to the others) Mongo.
Baldy: (grins) Mongo, Mongo, Mongo.
Mongo: Aw, hell. (he walks out to greet the others, before any rash
actions take place)
Peldor: Uh, Mongo, what exactly are you doing here?
Otto: (to Belphanior) He's gone native. Told you.
Belphanior: We'll see.
Baldy said something to the others, and the party was allowed
to enter the village, though the savages still regarded them with
suspicion, as well as awe.
Alindyar: (ESPing to Lyra) Fascinating! They seem to have adopted
Mongo as some manner of icon...
Lyra: (ESPing to Alindyar) Just don't tell me they think he's a
Mongo: (to Baldy) Maybe we should have a meeting or something.
Baldy: (points to the roasting dinosaur meat) Feensta!
Tanya: (sniffs the air, then regards the huge spit and fire-pit)
Is that what I think it is?
next: some resolutions
ftp: ftp.digex.net in /pub/access/dpm/rpg/stories/adventurers
ftp.nol.net in /pub/users/zac/rpg/adventurers/
mail: email@example.com (preferred)
notes: Since it's likely that one of the wizards will cast a
spell allowing them to communicate with Baldy, I might as well
tell you now that a lot of actual non-English words (and some
nonsense ones as well) made it into Baldy's lines.
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