o o o o o o o o o o o o o o THE ADVENTURERS o o o o April Fools o o Special o o 1997 o o o o o o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o Many of the locations, non-player characters, spells, and o o other terms used in these stories are the property of TSR, Inc. o o However, this does not mean that TSR in any way endorses or o o authorizes their use, and any such items contained within these o o stories should not be considered representative of TSR in any o o way, shape, or form. o o The player characters contained in these writings are copy- o o right 1991-7 by Thomas Miller. Any resemblance to any persons o o or characters either real or fictional is utterly coincidental. o o Copying and/or distribution of these tales is permissible only o o under the sole condition that no part of them will be used or o o sold for profit. In that case, I hope you enjoy them. o o o o Thomas Miller o o tmiller@cimmeria.ns.gatech.edu o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o "There's no _crying_ in baseball!" o o - from _A League of Their Own_ o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Take Me Out to the Ballgame... On a warm (but not too warm) and sunny (but not too sunny) mid-spring day, two great and powerful forces met on a field to do battle... THE AWAY TEAM: P Kup Swiftfoot 1B Oakly Greenleaf 2B Marcus SS Relmar 3B Baltek C Yod Ironbeard RF Sir Drexel CF Tarl LF Eyer coach Dexitheseus 3B coach Sparkey 1B coach Spikey THE HOME TEAM: P Peldor 1B Belphanior 2B Ged SS Bosco 3B Tanya C Mongo RF Arnold CF Rillen LF Songa coach Alindyar 3B coach Gorin 1B coach Nenya STATISTICIAN/SCORER: Lyra COMMENTATORS: Garzithraxonitus Cynder ASSOCIATE COMMENTATOR: the wispy thing UMPIRES: home/crew chief Bruce 1b Peyote 2b Deryck 3b Halbarad The great conflict was precluded by a booming preamble that could have been heard even without amplification... Garzithraxonitus: (resting on the roof of the ballpark, his head cranes downward toward the field)...and it's a _beautiful_ day here at the ballpark- Cynder: (chewing on one claw) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garzithraxonitus: -despite what some people say. Here we have two groups of champions, ready to go at it and see who's the best of all. Cynder: (grumbling) I should have put together a team. _Then_ you'd see some action... Garzithraxonitus: Nonsense, my good dragon. Cynder: Nonsense?!? Zara...the iron dwarf...Orcus - you call these _nonsense_? Garzithraxonitus: (grinning) No, just your idea. Cynder: Bah. Garzithraxonitus: (gazes out onto the field) The home team is taking the field, and- Cynder: Do we really have to call you "Garzithraxonitus" every single damn time? I mean, that's absurd. Garzithraxonitus: Hmm, good point. Call me "Garzith" then. Cynder: Better. Much better. Garzith: Let's analyze and compare both teams' fielders. Cynder: Must we? Garzith: Of course - it's part of the game! Don't you know anything? Cynder: (frowns) Garzith: The Adventurers have got Mongo behind the plate...a good solid catcher. Cynder: But so is Yod Ironbeard. Garzith: And both have power, if not speed. Cynder: I bet the iron dwarf is faster than either of those two clowns- Garzith: Calm down about the iron dwarf, would you? I'm trying to commentate here! Cynder: Sorry. Garzith: At first base, it's Belphanior for the Adventurers, a good combination of speed, power, and accuracy. Cynder: Versatile, that one. Garzith: His counterpart on the away team, Oakly Greenleaf, can... can...(he turns to Cynder) Heck, what _can_ he do, anyway? Cynder: (shrugs) Beats me. I mean, look at him. He's pudgy, he's slow, he's unkempt...hell, he might even be stoned. Garzith: No, that would be Peyote, umpiring behind first base. Cynder: Let's not forget that Oakly's the Great Druid...or was it the Grand Druid? Anyway, there are plants springing up at his feet. Garzith: (frowns) I hope the ground crew will take care of that later on. Cynder: What about second base? Garzith: For sheer power, Lord Marcus has got Ged beat hands-down. Cynder: Yeah, but Ged is a smartass, and that counts for a lot. Garzith: Maybe. Cynder: Ged might be a bit faster, and trickier too. Garzith: You want tricky? How about Bosco at shortstop? Cynder: Hmm, I'm afraid you're right. Who knows what he'll try and pull? Garzith: He's definitely faster than Relmar, for the away team. Cynder: Relmar's height will give him an edge when it comes to line drives. Garzith: You've never seen that Bosco jump, have you? Cynder: Bah. We'll see. Garzith: Third base...the hot corner. Tanya for the Adventurers, and Baltek for the others. Cynder: I know which one I'd rather look at. Garzith: Who the heck _is_ Baltek, anyway? Cynder: He's the henchman of Eyer. Garzith: He's thin, limber, and quick. Also younger than Tanya. Cynder: Don't bet on it - he's an elf, remember? Garzith: Oh. Oh, yeah. Cynder: Tanya's looking good out there...almost good enough to eat. Garzith: Our box here is catered, did you know that? Cynder: (grumbling) They need to get on the ball, then. Rob: (enters, nearly tripping over the doorjamb and spilling his huge plate of food all over the place) Oops! Garzith: Uh-oh. Cynder: Uh...just leave that food here, and go somewhere. Any- where. Garzith: (grabs the platter before Rob can dump it in his lap) Rob: Thanks. I'll be back in an hour to check on you guys. Cynder: (grabs a heaping sandwich) Make it half an hour - I've not eaten all day. Garzith: And bring us a tankard of ale. Rob: (confused in some way, he departs) Cynder: (pulls a huge keg from under his wing) I'm on top of it. Garzith: Eh? Cynder: This is Flinty Hills stout - the very best. (he fills a golden mug, the stout appearing more like syrup than liquor) Here, have some. Garzith: Excellent. Cynder: No way, _no way_ was I going to depend on stadium booze. Garzith: (gulps some of the thick alcohol) Ahh...where were we? Cynder: Outfield. Garzith: Ah, yes. For the Adventurers, it's Songa, Rillen, and Arnold, left to right. Cynder: Barbarians in the outfield? Garzith: Looks that way. Cynder: They're all pretty fast, and have great reach. Though not as great as mine- Garzith: Settle down - you know we're not allowed to actually play... Cynder: D'oh. Garzith: The barbarians can hit, too - all three of them. Cynder: Don't disregard their opposing counterparts, though. Eyer, Tarl, Sir Drexel...speed, height, and... Garzith: Holiness? Cynder: Holiness?!? There's no _holiness_ in this game! Garzith: Drexel can hit, bud. You know he can. Cynder: Swinging a sword's one thing, swinging a bat's quite another. Fifty bucks says he strikes out his first time up. Garzith: You're on. Cynder: Sucker. wispy thing: (flies through an open window) Spaaa! Cynder: Hmph. Garzith: And now, it looks like the first batter is stepping up to the plate. Anything else you'd like to say? Cynder: Yeah. (leaning way out over the field) PLAY BALLLLL! Kup: (steps up to the plate, a tiny wooden bat in his hands) Here we go... Mongo: Where's your pipe? Kup: Left it at home, thanks. This is no place for tobacco. Mongo: Hmm. Bruce: (behind the plate, he waves at Peldor on the mound) Peldor: (winds up, and delivers a fastball strike right down the middle) Kup: Dammit. Mongo: Gotta adjust the strike zone for you little guys. Peldor: (delivers a slider outside) Mongo: (misses the ball as it sails by several feet to his left) Whoa. Bruce: (calmly steps aside, dodging the ball) Kup: Just a _bit_ outside. Peldor: (fuming on the mound) Damn short people... Bosco: (pacing at shortstop) Eh? Peldor: Nothing, nothing. Kup: (choking up) C'mon...c'mon... Peldor: (pitches a nice, fat, and most importantly, _low_ one right over the plate) Kup: (swings) CRACK! As the ball dribbled toward third, almost a bunt, Tanya raced toward it with uncanny speed. Tanya: (fields cleanly, and throws to first) Peldor: (ducks) Belphanior: (catches the ball while Kup is still ten feet away) Peyote: Out! Out, out, out... Kup: Drat. Belphanior: (his glove hand still smarting, he tosses the ball back to Peldor) Ow, that lady's got a helluva arm. Tanya: (standing near third, she smirks) Next up was Baltek - who promptly lined a single into left field. Songa: (cursing to various barbarian deities as she recovers the ball) Baltek: (safely around first, he retreats as the huntress aims a mighty throw at the cutoff halfling) Bosco: Ow! Baltek: (yawns) I'm gonna steal second. Belphanior: Just try it, buster. Spikey: He will. Sparkey: (over behind third base, he says something that can't be heard from here) Relmar was up next, but Peldor induced a ground-out from the high priest. Baltek advanced to second for the cleanup hitter... Tarl: (swinging an oversized bat as if it were a twig) Bring it on, little man. Mongo: (having never been this close to a friendly seven-foot- tall person before, he winces at the man's sheer size and power) Peldor: I'm not afraid. We Peldors just do what we do...(he hurls a smoking slider, which Tarl swings at and misses) Tarl: Llerg's teeth! Peldor: Heh. Unfortunately for the Adventurers, Tarl connected with Peldor's next pitch and launched it about five hundred feet to left center. Songa: (watches the ball clear the fence by about fifty feet) Rillen: Wow, he really got a hold of that one. Songa: No kidding. They never go that far in the thin air of the northlands. Rillen: Hey, he lives farther north than us. Oakly Greenleaf, mighty druid and fifth batter, launched a high fly ball to left, but Songa was able to track it down and put it away, ending the top of the first. _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H_|_e_| Away | 2 | | 2 | 2 | 0 | Home | Garzith: Helluva time for the home team - they're already down 2-0 after half an inning. Cynder: That's not a hell of a time. Trust me. Garzith: Be that as it may, they've got to tighten up their pitching and strike back early, or it could all be over. Cynder: It ain't over til the fat lady sings, pal. fat lady in bleachers: (remains quiet for now) The Adventurers sent the mighty Peldor up first to face the diminutive pitcher, Kup Swiftfoot. Though short of stature, he was full of surprises. Peldor: (swings and misses at a circle changeup) Whoa! Kup: Heh heh. Yod Ironbeard: Didn't know the little guy could do that, did you? Peldor: Not to fear - we Peldors learn fast. And he had, as he demonstrated three pitches later by looping another changeup into short right for a single. Peldor: (eyes Oakly Greenleaf, and the fresh green grass that has sprung up around his feet) Peyote: (also eyeing the grass) Ever thought about joining the ground crew, most exalted dude? Oakly: You know, I sure do get a lot of offers about that... Peldor: (eyeing second base, and also Kup, who's trading glances between him and Ged, the second batter) Oakly: Perhaps the mighty Peldor thinks of stealing a base? Peldor: The thought had crossed his mind. Nenya: Hold up, Peldor - their pitcher's got his eye on you. Indeed he did - Kup threw back to first several times before finally giving Ged a pitch to hit. Everyone in his dugout groaned, though, as the hard grounder was scooped up by Relmar, who relayed it to Marcus and then Oakly for the double play. Ged: Blasted bloody Boccob! (he hurls his bat away in fury) Angus: (standing next to some bleachers, he doesn't even twitch as the wooden missile bounces off his head, striking a young chattering girl to his right) Paula: (knocked out cold) Back in the batter's box, the number three hitter, Belphanior, was up and ready for action. Belphanior: (slams the shit out of Kup's first pitch, driving it to deep right field) Sir Drexel: (scrambling for the ball as it lands in the corner, mere feet short of the fence) Belphanior: (rounding second, he really pours it on) Gorin: Go, go, go! Marcus: (now the cutoff man, he gets the relay but holds onto the ball, as Belphanior has already slid into third) Gorin: Yeah! Belphanior: (covered in dust) Whew. Baltek: Nice hit, man. Belphanior: Thanks. Gorin: Two outs, run on anything. Belphanior: Yeah, yeah, I know. Halbarad: (stands there with his arms crossed, the very picture of umpire-dom) Don't spit on me, okay? Belphanior: Don't worry. The Adventurers' cleanup hitter, Mongo, built up a 3-and-1 count before slamming a pitch to deep center. However, the looming Tarl snatched it from the air right at the warning track, ending the inning. Mongo: Shit! (he breaks his bat over his head) Damn! Yod: Be sportsmanlike, kid. Mongo: (cursing as he heads back to the dugout to get his mask and glove) _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H_|_e_| Away | 2 | | 2 | 2 | 0 | Home | 0 | | 0 | 2 | 0 | The commentators, naturally, commentated away... Cynder: A pathetic effort. Garzith: Not so. Cynder: You're just saying that because they got lucky and had a couple of hits. Garzith: Get real, salamander. Cynder: "Salamander"?!? Garzith: Hey, just think...no one can ever tell when you're embarrassed. (he ponders this) Probably a good thing. Cynder: At least my skin doesn't shine like metal! Garzith: Exactly. Cynder: Draargh! wispy thing: Pfsss! (grins, and flies into the keg of stout) Below, as the game went on, vendors sold hot food to those in the bleachers... Calvin: Hotdogs! Get yer fresh, hot hotdogs right here! Hobbes: No, hamburgers! Get some charbroiled, juicy burgers for only two bucks! Calvin: Hey, that's my customers you're bogarting! Hobbes: Fair's fair, and besides, they want _burgers_! Calvin: Back off, bee-yatch, or I'll slap you upside the head with a weiner! Hobbes: Oh yeah?!? Well, I'll- Ansalon: Excuse me, could I have one of each, please? Calvin & Hobbes: (simultaneously) NO! Ansalon: (frowns, then looks around, wondering where Tirion is) Down on the field, Peldor had just retired Yod Ironbeard, king of Thunderdelve, on a routine pop-up. Yod: Moradin's frothy beard, how could I _do_ that?!? Peldor: (wisely keeping his musings to himself) He didn't do it, I did. Marcus: (steps up to the plate) Try that on me, why dont'cha? Peldor: Alrighty, then. Marcus doubled down the left-field line, paving the way for yet more runs. After Sir Drexel walked, somehow (the paladin was a free swinger) Eyer came to the plate with one out and runners on first and second. Garzith: (turns to Cynder) Pay up. Drexel didn't strike out. Cynder: D'aargh! Peldor: (tosses a slider inside, prompting an off-balance swing from the normally-agile elf) Eyer: (watches the ball roll toward Bosco at short) Oh, crap. (he hauls ass for first) Bosco: (snatches the ball, flipping it to Ged, who steps on the bag and tosses the ball over to Belphanior) Deryck: Double play! Bosco: Thanks, ump. I really didn't know that. Marcus: (he and Drexel join Eyer in heading back to the dugout) Bosco: (dances back to his dugout) Yee-hah, yahoo! Cynder: Now there's a SHORTstop... Garzith: He sure can field, though. Cynder: It's gotta be the shoes. _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H_|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | | 2 | 3 | 0 | Home | 0 | | 0 | 2 | 0 | Arnold led off the bottom of the second, but grounded out to first. Arnold: Aaa. How can it be? Peyote: It happens, dude. Arnold: I am not a "doob." Peyote: Did someone say doobie? Oakly: I think you'd better pay attention to the game, youngster. Peyote: Err, yeah, man. Rillen: (standing in the batter's box, he hears a voice) voice: Use the Force... Rillen: (frowns) Eh? (he turns around) Bruce: (returns the stare innocently) Kup: (brings home the high heat, causing Rillen to swing and miss) Rillen: Crapola. Yod: Hah! Rillen: (also misses the next pitch) Ooh, that had to look bad. Songa: (sitting in the dugout, she grimaces) Bruce: (babbling to himself behind Yod) The ball and bat must be in harmony. Only then will true contact be achieved. Rillen: (confused) Kup: (pitches once more) Rillen: (lines a shot up the middle) Marcus: (dives and misses) Relmar: (dives and misses, also missing Marcus) Whew. Rillen: (takes his place at first) Damn, I thought I was out for sure. Peyote: Don't be sure. Rillen: (does his best to ignore the half-elf) A solid single by Songa spurred Rillen to second, but then Bosco came to the plate and proceeded to pop out. Baltek: (lazily catches the lazy pop-up) Bosco: Shoot! Peldor: Aw... Belphanior: It's not like the little guy was gonna hit a home run or anything. Tanya: (already in place at the plate) I'm ready. Pitch! Kup: (checks the runners, then lets the ball go) Rillen had third stolen, but it didn't matter because Tanya's fly ball to left was caught by the sprinting Eyer, stranding the two runners. Tanya: (to Peldor) I'm rusty. Peldor: Not at everything. Tanya: Flatterer... _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H_|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | | 2 | 3 | 0 | Home | 0 | 0 | | 0 | 4 | 0 | In a neutral dugout (!) the players' various weapons were all lined up in a row, chatting merrily... Lightbringer: We're gonna win! You'll see. Chaosbane: (Sir Drexel's bastard sword) Not a chance, peasant. Might makes right, and- Lightbringer: PEASANT?!? Who're you calling a peasant?!? Sentinel: (Marcus' longsword) Oh lord, there they go again. Blackrazor: Weak-ass sons of halberds. Spellbreaker: (Tarl's two-handed sword) I've got half a mind to haul off and shatter them. Nightfang: That wouldn't be pleasant. Blackrazor: But it would be fun. Stormcrest: Smash, smash, crush, crush... Blackrazor: I like the way you think. Back on the field below, the stooped, wizened wizard known as Dexitheseus gave encouragement to his players... Dexitheseus: (to Kup) Sock the shit out of that one, kid! Kup: I'm trying, I'm trying... Kup managed to walk, and Baltek sacrificed him to second. The halfling then stole third from under Mongo's watchful eye, and Relmar stood poised to bring the runner home. He delivered, too, with a sacrifice fly to center field. Kup: (stomps on home plate as he passes) Woo-hoo! Peldor: Crap, my ERA's gonna suck rocks... Tarl: (approaches the batter's box) Peldor: Ulp. Bosco: (to Ged) That guy whacked it out of the park last time! Ged: Yea...(to Peldor) Come on, you puny Boccob-defiler, get him out! The elf's teasing must have worked, because Peldor got the huge barbarian to ground out to second. Tarl: Ugh, I can't believe I swung at that. _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H_|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | 1 | | 3 | 3 | 0 | Home | 0 | 0 | | 0 | 4 | 0 | Somewhere in the bleachers... Ys: (turns to Otto) Why did you not play in this quaint little game? Otto: (rubs his knee) Busted my knee climbing up a tower last night...it hurts like hell, too. Aja: I could have fixed that for you, you know. Otto: Thanks but no thanks - these things need to heal on their own, if you know what I mean. Aja: I don't, but that's okay. Otto: I suppose I could pitch in relief if they needed me... Jutokai: The only use I see for these tiny baseballs is target practice. Kinichi: Lighten up, would you? Skektek: Yeah, lighten up. It's only a game...hell, it's the national pasttime! Jutokai: Feh. Razor Charlie: (enjoys some hot buttered popcorn) The Adventurers sent Peldor, Ged, and Belphanior to the plate this inning - and if any of them reached, Mongo would get a chance to do some damage. Peldor: (chokes up) Bring it on, chump! Kup: (hurls a lazy strike right over the plate) Peldor: Aie! How does he _do_ that?!? Alindyar: (coaching from the dugout) Keep your eye on yonder ball...avoid the outside pitches, if at all possible. Peldor: Aye. The self-styled "King of Thieves" then smashed a hit down the third-base line, a fair ball by mere inches. Baltek missed it despite a close dive, and Eyer had to scramble in left field to hold Peldor to a double. Peldor: Hah! The great Peldor strikes again... Kup: (fuming on the mound) Yod: (goes out to talk to his pitcher and buy some time) Ged singled to center, but the speedy Peldor didn't risk going to third. Belphanior, however, grounded out to second, and a double play ensued. Peldor ended up at third with two outs, but a moment later Mongo crushed a ball between Tarl and Eyer, and Peldor crossed the plate, scoring the Adventurers' first run! With limited speed, Mongo was only able to get a single out of his hit. The damage was held in check after that, though, as Arnold flied out to deep left. Arnold: Aaa! (he tosses his bat to the ground in disgust) Aaa, aaa, aaa! In the bleachers... Zephyr: (dozing, his tail swishes out and swats Ged's cat, Endymion) Endymion: (hisses at the giant tiger) Zephyr: (opens one eye and regards the tiny cat with amusement) Nearby... Felicia: (sitting next to Eduardo, she shares in a gigantic swirl of cotton candy) Ick, this is messy! Eduardo: It's supposed to be. Foldor the Brave: (trots up) Hey, can I join the party yet? Felicia: Get lost, kid. You'll never be the man. Eduardo: (nods) Foldor the Brave: (sticks his lower lip out and walks away, downtrodden) Eduardo: Who _is_ that kid, anyway? Felicia: I really don't know. The drow sent out the tickets. _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H_|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | 1 | | 3 | 3 | 0 | Home | 0 | 0 | 1 | | 1 | 7 | 0 | The game picked up from here, the next three innings going by in a flash. Both pitchers really settled down, allowing no more runs in the fourth, fifth, or sixth innings. There were plenty of good plays, a few near-misses, and one error, as Belphanior botched a throw to second, sending the ball sailing over the head of the leaping Bosco. Bosco: Sheez! Even one of our outfielders wouldn't have had that one! Belphanior: Sorry, shorty. After the top of the seventh was over, it was still 3-1 in favor of the away team... _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H__|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | 3 | 8 | 0 | Home | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | 1 | 11 | 1 | The seventh-inning stretch ensued, as the grounds crew made the field nice again, some unseen ensemble played merry music, and antics were afoot amidst the bleachers... Carey: Still taking late bets, here! Come an' get it! Darek Halfplow: Give me thirty on the Adventurers. Carey: But the odds- Darek Halfplow: I don't care. They got me brought back from the dead once, and that makes me a believer. King Grimlok: Saved you, they did not. The svirfneblin it was. Darek: (regards the gnome quizzically, then turns back toward Carey, waving his hands impatiently) A hundred. Carey: Done. King Grimlok: Think what you will. Out there, the truth is. Darek: (runs off to the restroom) absentminded fellow: What are the odds of Bosco hitting a home run? I would like to bet on that. Carey: Who the heck are you, some comedian? absentminded fellow: No, I am Lotus of Fax! Carey: Who? Lotus of Fax: Lotus, of Fax! A great archer and all-around fellow- yellow-skinned foreigner: (slaps Lotus out of the way and addresses Carey) I sharr wagel a hundled gord on the home team. Carey: Gotcha. yellow-skinned foreigner: No, you do not. The gleat and arr- powelfur Shing-Ti knows and sees arr. Carey: Whatever... When play resumed in the bottom half of the seventh, the Adventurers sent Tanya, Peldor, and Ged up to the plate. Kup was obviously tiring, because he gave up a double to the fiery red-haired beauty. Tanya: (holds up at second as the relay is cut off by Relmar) Whoa. Kup: Darn it. I'm getting tired. The halfling's coach and infielders came to the mound to have a talk with him, while Peldor prepared to bat. Although out of gas (Otto would be relieving him in the top of the eighth) Peldor went to bat anyway, laying down a bunt to move Tanya to third. The sacrifice worked perfectly, and Ged was at bat with a chance to cut the deficit. A soft single to left did just that, bringing the runner home for the Adventurers' second run. Tanya: (high-fives Belphanior as he walks to the plate) Kup: Sheesh, look at 'em gloat. Belphanior: (surveys the field as if he owns it) The elf took two balls and a strike before whacking a hard grounder to third. Ged, already running, slid into second as Baltek's throw went to Oakly at first. However, the ball mysteriously missed the bearded one's glove, sailing into the dugout. Oakly: Wha- ?!? Rary: (sitting in the bleachers along with Bigby, Drawmij, Tenser, and others, he smirks) Belvor IV, king of Furyondy: Hey! Did...did you do that?!? Rary: Who, me? Never even thought about it. Belvor: It _was_ you. Rary: Not a chance, youngster. Heck, for all we know, it could have been you! Belvor: Impossible! I'm a paladin - I don't cheat! Rary: (smirks) Olinstaad Corond, king of the Principality of Ulek: No, he's serious. Rary: Yeah, sure. Kup: (muttering to himself) They'd better not score that one a hit. With men on second and third, and one out, it was Mongo's chance to do more damage and possibly take the lead. He smoked a line drive to third, but Baltek snagged it, then stepped on third for another out, making it an unassisted double play. Ged: (ten feet past third, as he was already moving, he stomps up and down angrily) Boccob! What a gyp! Halbarad: Sorry, friend. You know the rules. Ged: (cursing in a most un-priestly way) Kup: (heading back to the dugout) Whew. _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H__|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | 3 | 8 | 1 | Home | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | | 2 | 13 | 1 | Tarl batted first in the top of the eighth, followed by Oakly and Yod. The huge barbarian swung at a lazy changeup from Peldor's weakening arsenal, popping it up a mile high and foul as several fielders gave chase. Cynder: (rears back his head and lets loose a gout of flame) UUUURRRRPPPPPPP! Mongo: (waiting on the ball to come down) Hey. HEY! He incinerated the damn ball! Ged: That's an out! He's out! Fan interference! Er, dragon interference. Garzith: (to Cynder) Way to go, big mouth. Cynder: (smirks) Dexitheseus: (running from his dugout) You wish! He didn't catch it. It's out of play. Ged: OUT! Dexitheseus: FOUL! Ged: (kicking dirt like mad) OUT! OUT! OUT! Dexitheseus: (responds likewise) FOUL! FOUL! FOUL! Bruce: Do over. Ged: Huh? Dexitheseus: What? Bruce: It's just a game. Do over. (he smirks) Or we could settle it by combat? Ged: No thanks. Dexitheseus: A do-over is fine by me. Bruce: Good. The second time around, Tarl knocked the ball into left center with enough force to skin it. Otto: (now the relief pitcher) Damn...he crushed that one! Mongo: Bah. I'm stronger than him. Tarl: (strolls into second, grinning broadly) Bruce: New ball. (he tosses one to Otto on the mound) Otto: Hmph. (he eyes the next batter, Oakly) The mega-druid lined out to second, but Tarl stayed put; his reflexes were astonishing, for such a big guy. Yod knocked the very next pitch into right field, scoring Tarl on the single. Yod: Yeah! Tanya: (trots over to Otto) Calm down, okay? Otto: Right. Tanya: Just go slow, think about what you're doing. Otto: Yeah, yeah. After reaching a full count on Marcus, Otto was able to get the hulking general to ground into a double play, ending the inning. However, the Adventurers had two more innings at bat to tie it up. _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H__|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | | 4 | 10 | 1 | Home | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | | 2 | 13 | 1 | Kup had been replaced on the mound by a reliever, a tall, dark-haired henchman of his called Mazzichelli. The man did his job quietly and efficiently, at least initially, getting Mongo and Arnold to fly out to left and center, respectively. However, Rillen then offered new hope with one swing of the bat... Rillen: (drives one high and deep) Mazzichelli: Oops. Rillen: (already running, he's on his way to second by the time the ball clears the center-field fence) Yes! Yes! Songa: Damn fine hit. Baltek: (shakes his head as Rillen rounds third) Rillen: (mumbling to himself) I love this game... The deficit was now a mere single run, and Songa intended to cut it further. However, she didn't count on the cunning slider of Mazzichelli, and when she hit the ball, it dribbled weakly to short. Relmar: (tosses to Oakly at first, ending the inning) Songa: The agony of defeat... Peyote: Rude awakening, huntress-lady. Behind the bleachers, two treants rested, watching the game with interest... Iptroot: We do not have such pasttimes in the groves of the Great Druid. Elmtrunk: Neither in the henge of the Stoned One, Peyote. Iptroot: Perhaps such as we were not meant to play this game. Elmtrunk: I'd wager on our abilities as outfielders, though, any day of the week. Iptroot: (nods, the wind blowing his hair/leaves) _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H__|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | | 4 | 10 | 1 | Home | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | | 3 | 14 | 1 | Otto pitched valiantly on into the ninth, facing Drexel, Eyer, and Kup Swiftfoot. Batting first, the paladin rocketed a shot just inside the first-base line, sending Arnold scrambling for the ball in right field. Drexel stood safely on second as Otto managed to hit Eyer in the upper arm with his next pitch. Otto: Heh. Eyer: (trots angrily to first) Drexel: (stands on second, hands on his hips) How unsporting of you! Otto: Kiss my ass. The dwarf's next pitch was hammered (relatively) by the tiny Kup, but Bosco made an outstanding leap to snag the hit from the air. Landing on his feet, the halfling tagged second base before the unfortunate Drexel could get back, turning a double play and saving Otto from perhaps more runs. Otto: Thanks, man. Bosco: It was nothin'. Eyer: (leads off from first as his henchman Baltek comes to the plate) With a combination of skill, speed, and just plain luck, the pitcher was able to work up to a called third strike on the elf, much to the chagrin of the away team in the dugout (and Eyer, who had already stolen second to put himself in scoring position.) Otto: Too bad, so sad. Garzith: (in his announcer's box) To the bottom of the ninth we go! The Adventurers need one to tie, two to win - but it's a tough shot, as the relief pitcher will be Limbor. Cynder: Who the hell's Limbor? Garzith: He's Drexel's henchman, and a mean fastballer to boot. Cynder: Nonsense. Why, look at him - skinny as a rail! No way can he bring home the high heat. Garzith: I'll bet you fifty- Cynder: Enough of your foolish wagers - on with the game! _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H__|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 11 | 1 | Home | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | | 3 | 14 | 1 | Bosco: (leading off the inning) Batter up! Limbor: (on the mound) I can see that. The halfling was clearly ready to swing freely, which was why everyone except him was surprised when he laid down a perfect bunt. Baltek: Cripes...(he scampers after the ball) Bosco: (dashing madly for first) Incoming! Limbor: (ducks, to give the third baseman a clear throw to Oakly at first) However, Bosco beat the throw by a couple of feet, his freak bunt single a success. This paved the way for Tanya, who read the signals from Alindyar in the dugout. Tanya: (nods, and prepares for the pitch) The crafty Limbor smoked a couple of fastballs right down the middle, then struck Tanya out swinging. Peldor: (moving from the on-deck circle) Don't worry, hon. The mighty Peldor has yet to bat. Tanya: Good luck - that guy on the mound's throwing a hundred, at least. Peldor: Hmm. The first pitch was a strike, low and inside. The second was a ball, high and inside. Peldor swung at the third pitch, missing by a mile, then took another for ball two...and another for ball three. He had a full count, with Bosco taking a tremendous lead from first - and fouled the next pitch away. And the next. Those present begun to wonder how long this could go on...and then Peldor socked a ball into the left-field corner! Peldor: Ya-hoo! Bosco: (running as fast as his little legs will let him, he rounds second and heads for third) Peldor: (rounds first and heads for second) Eyer: (just coming up with the ball now, he hurls it to the cutoff man) Bosco was heading for home - there was no way he wouldn't risk it now. The relay from Marcus to Yod looked dangerously close, but Bruce was right on top of things. Bruce: Safe! Yod: (cannons the ball back to third, where Peldor slides toward Baltek) Baltek: (catches the ball and tags Peldor) Halbarad: Out! Peldor: What?!? Halbarad: You're out! Peldor: I was safe! Halbarad: You were out. Peldor: But I'm the Mighty Peldor! Halbarad: Well, then, the Mighty Peldor is out. Baltek: He's right. You were. Peldor: I'm the Mighty Peldor, all right, but I wasn't out. (he heads back to the dugout and a bunch of high-fives for tying up the game) Kup: (points to the sky, which rolls with dark clouds) Lookee there. Limbor: (frowns) Next up to bat was Ged, with two outs and no runners. The elf made good contact with Limbor's next fastball, driving it high and deep to left center... Ged: Boccob, what a blast! (he begins running triumphantly around the bases, cackling to himself) However, the old maxim "don't count your chickens before they hatch" proved true here, too, as the giant Tarl tracked the ball down and caught it at the warning track! Ged: D'oh! Cynder: Well, that's nine innings, and it's all tied up- Garzith: (gazing up at the sky) Maybe for good. Check it out. Cynder: Huh? Oakly: (glances at the darkened sky as raindrops begin to fall) Hmm. Garzith: Rain? Now? Cynder: No fair! Ged: Boccob surely had nothing to do with _this_. Peyote: How very Bizarro... Deryck: It wasn't supposed to rain today. (he frowns as the rain really begins to fall, soaking everybody) Hmm. (to Nenya) Did we get all the crops planted last night? Nenya: Yep. Now come inside before you get soaked. (she pulls him under the cover of a dugout roof) Halbarad: (watching the rain pound the field into mud) What a perfect time to call the game. Bruce: (ponders the skies philosophically) If this is agreeable to both sides...? Alindyar: (sighs) Aye. Dexitheseus: (nods) Agreed. Bosco: Hey, what about the picnic?!? _______|_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_R_|_H__|_e_| Away | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 11 | 1 | Home | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 15 | 1 | next: April Fool's 1998? Hell, ask me in 11 months... ftp: ftp.digex.net in /pub/access/dpm/rpg/stories/adventurers ftp.nol.net in /pub/users/zac/rpg/adventurers/ ftp.tas.gov.au/misc/stories www: http://www.access.digex.net/~dpm http://www3.hmc.edu/~kshobaki/adventurers homepage: http://www.gatech.edu/oit/oe/design/thomas/adv.html mail: tmiller@cimmeria.ns.gatech.edu (preferred) thomas.miller@oit.gatech.edu (emergency) notes: I didn't have it in me to do another bogus Oscars episode (especially since I wasn't too enthused by the 1997 crop of Oscar nominees, with the exception of _Fargo_) so after bandying around all sorts of crazy ideas, I came up with this. It was partially inspired by my recent return to softball play, as well as the upcoming start of baseball season. Still, take note: this isn't a continuity story at all. That should explain the presence of Ged, his cat, Cynder, and other deceased beings. If you want to see what's up in my life (and occasionally hear ramblings about the Adventurers) then be sure to check out my sneak previews page, wherein I have a ranting forum. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo