Judgement Day

Friday 19 July 2002

Yo. My stress and venom levels are high, and it's time to play "what if I was judge, jury, and executioner" again. Some of these are AP or Reuters stories and may expire by the time you read this, but that's why I've included capsule summaries of each incident.

CRIME: Man puts kitten on outdoor grill - Just what it sounds like; some guy and his buddies thought it would be funny to grill a live kitten. A girl rescued it and tipped the police off, but the kitten had to be put to sleep and only the main guy got arrested.

MY PUNISHMENT: Death is too severe here; find out how long the witness saw this go on, then grill the guy for the same amount of time.

CRIME: Religious nuts beat child for not being zealous enough - This is just ridiculous, and one of the things I hate about the potential hypocrisy and in fact evil of religion.

MY PUNISHMENT: A good 90-minute beating, with bigger sticks since the religious guys are adults.

CRIME: Now-famous videotaped cop punching helpless kid - The police are claiming that the kid grabbed one of them in the crotch, but my gut instinct says that's a desperate lie.

MY PUNISHMENT: I'll let the jury work on this one - I don't have all the evidence I need.

CRIME: Stupid mom leaves kids in hot car during hair appointment, killing them - Pretty cut and dried. I equate this to people who leave a car running inside a closed garage, except those tend to kill themselves with their stupidity, rather than others.

MY PUNISHMENT: The fact that she's lost her kids is bad enough, and I don't care to compund her woes, so I'll let the court deal with her, allowing me more time to deal with true malicious people such as the next...

CRIME: Stupid uncle kills kids - Actually, as I check this story I see that it's expired, so here's the first paragraph: A man was arrested for allegedly hurling his niece and nephew off a bridge and into a creek because he was angry at their mother. The 2-year-old boy died.

MY PUNISHMENT: To hell with him. Death!

There are more that have expired so I'll switch formats here. The two different people who were recently responsible for fires that became raging wildfires...should be forced to spend years and dollars fighting fires and rebuilding things that burned down. The unruly passengers who still cause flights to land prematurely even though it's no joking matter these days...should simply be banned from flying again - ever. The school official who checked girls for thongs in front of everyone...well, I'm sure she meant well, but I see it as an attempt to impose her morals on others, so if the school district wants to punish her, fine by me.

Okay, I'm tired. This venting on my part is a result of the crap I have to read about every day I work at CNN. I have to vent, lest I explode. And even I will admit that it's a good thing I'm _not_ judge, jury, and executioner.